Some days are diamonds and some days are the crud on the bottom of your shoe that you can't quite identify and aren't quite sure you would want to anyway.
Some days I feel fulfilled and kind of like super-mom when I get the house cleaned AND feed the kids AND play with the kids AND have a bit of time leftover for a cup of coffee and some "me" time in the afternoon. And then some days, well .. ... those things don't happen and I experience a bit of self-loathing for not accomplishing anything, along with a bit of self-pity that I'm stuck at home day after day after day with the same two small people who run my universe.
Some days I love being "Mama/Mom/Mommy/Maaaaaaaa" and wouldn't trade it for the world. And some days I try to remember who I was before I became a mother. It's there, the faint lingering memory of pre-motherhood, and it is so close I can taste it, smell it, feel it, but it's gone forever and that fact is perhaps what makes it so appealing at times.
EVERY day, I love my children. I love the way it feels to be the most important person in a small person's world. I love the smell of baby shampoo. I love the soft coziness of fleece sleepers. I love that I can still fix a boo-boo with a kiss and a hug.
So while pre-motherhood might some days seem appealing (because I can't have it and you know me, I've always wanted what I can't have), motherhood is even better. Even on the bottom-of-the-shoe-crud days.
I'm going to go kiss my babies now.
I think I see happening, in this blog, what often happens to me when I start writing on a not so great (crud on the bottom of your shoe) kind of day. It just feels good to write it down .. and then all the good stuff comes back to you and you can feel thankful again. I love you.
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