days like today

We have lived in this little house for 10+ months now, but today our little house feels connected to our little neighborhood.

We went to the neighbor's for swimming and dinner last night, and saw them again at the parade this morning.  Friendly hellos like we'd been friends forever, and not just neighbors for a few short months.  Their kids, K (12) and E (15), excited to see our kids .. Maxwell barely able to contain his excitement at seeing them again.  

And afterwards, the 12yo boy came over to hangout while Maxwell ate his lunch in the backyard.  Soon a knock on the door brought three more kids ages 10-15 through the house, looking for K but then happily climbing in and out of the Step 2 playhouse in our yard, gangly sunburned legs and arms sticking out everywhere, everyone treating Max like a peer.  Then they were eating apples from my refrigerator and saying polite hellos to "Mr. Trevor" and laughing and playing and encouraging Max to finish his burger so he could come swim with them.

Now, "Mr. Trevor" and Maxwell swimming next door with the four older kids and the neighbor patriarch, part of the gang, while Molly naps and I get a chance to catch my breath.

What else is there to say? I love days like today. 

Too honest?

The day starts like any other:  I'm tired.  The kids want breakfast.  Trevor is heading out the door to work.  I insist he take the car because, really, where would I want to take two snot-nosed kids today anyways?  So I'm housebound, and it's cold out, and .. ugh.

I realize I'm in a rut.  A great big lazy "all-I-want-to-do-is-sleep-but-I-can't-because-I'm-a-Mom" rut.  This has to stop. 

The kids and I have breakfast (mine with a lot of coffee) and head down to the family room for a little Wii Fit.  I tell myself if I can force myself to care about my health for just ten minutes, it'll be a start.  I hop on the balance board and it tells me it has been almost 200 days since my last weigh-in and I have gained .. wait, how much?!  How did THAT happen?

I comment out loud that I've gained a LOT of weight since the last time I played this game and Maxwell says, "Because you're growing another baby."  It did not come out sounding like a question, but rather what he assumed would be the rest of my sentence had I continued it.

After reassuring him that, no, Mommy is not growing another baby and never will because two kids is plenty, I exercised HARD.  I found my motivation, buried deep under donuts and ice cream and laziness and frustration and just.not.caring.  I thought, this is it.  That innocent comment was exactly what I needed to get back on track. 

I shower, we eat healthy snacks, we play outside, I feel GREAT!  I feel so ALIVE!  What is wrong with me?  Why have I been spending so much time NOT exercising?  Eating unhealthy foods?  Being lazy and indifferent?

At some point after lunch, Maxwell throws a tantrum to end all tantrums and after struggling to get him to stay in time-out I suddenly find my arm wrist-deep in a bag of chocolate chips.  "How did that get there?" I ask.  And it's all downhill from there.  Rut, nice to see you again. 

Tomorrow is another day.

Life after facebook

I'm not sure how long I will/can stay away from facebook.  All I know is that it took a few days to stop thinking of life in terms of status updates and I don't think I want to go back.

I've popped on to check people's pictures a few times, so I can't claim that I've completely ditched the habit .. but I watched an entire movie with Trevor the other night without logging on once and (now this is sad) I had forgotten how good movies can be when I allow myself to be totally engrossed.

This is the first time I've sat down with my laptop this week, other than to sync my fitbit.  A whole new world is opening up before me, folks.  Maybe I'll join a book club.

Baby girl is awake.  Two new teeth this morning, so not surprisingly the nap didn't last long.  Something I've learned:  teething is the same whether I complain about it on facebook or not.

I resolve to

eat less, exercise more.

always kiss Trevor 'fore he goes out the door.

cook more, complain less.

keep important things, donate the rest.

watch my language, say my prayers.

always dress the kids in layers.

save money, avoid take-out.

give more hugs, try not to shout.

worry less, make time to play.

count my blessings every day.

Some days

Some days are diamonds and some days are the crud on the bottom of your shoe that you can't quite identify and aren't quite sure you would want to anyway.

Some days I feel fulfilled and kind of like super-mom when I get the house cleaned AND feed the kids AND play with the kids AND have a bit of time leftover for a cup of coffee and some "me" time in the afternoon.  And then some days, well .. ... those things don't happen and I experience a bit of self-loathing for not accomplishing anything, along with a bit of self-pity that I'm stuck at home day after day after day with the same two small people who run my universe. 

Some days I love being "Mama/Mom/Mommy/Maaaaaaaa" and wouldn't trade it for the world.  And some days I try to remember who I was before I became a mother.  It's there, the faint lingering memory of pre-motherhood, and it is so close I can taste it, smell it, feel it, but it's gone forever and that fact is perhaps what makes it so appealing at times.

EVERY day, I love my children.  I love the way it feels to be the most important person in a small person's world.  I love the smell of baby shampoo.  I love the soft coziness of fleece sleepers.  I love that I can still fix a boo-boo with a kiss and a hug. 

So while pre-motherhood might some days seem appealing (because I can't have it and you know me, I've always wanted what I can't have), motherhood is even better.  Even on the bottom-of-the-shoe-crud days.

I'm going to go kiss my babies now.

A Holiday Party: Afterthoughts

We survived our first physics department holiday gathering with Trevor's new colleagues ..  I feel like that makes us official.  It was a pleasant enough evening, although we did have some hiccups. 


Upon arrival, I asked Maxwell to please let me know if he needed to use the potty.  Minutes later I heard Trevor make the same request.  And just a few minutes later, after he had run off to join the other hyenas- I mean children, the hostess was telling me that my son had had an accident.  Thank goodness for hardwood floors and understanding people who save their children's outgrown clothing and pull-ups.  He spent the rest of the evening in some very fancy looking girls' jeans rolled up several times, a Spiderman t-shirt a couple sizes too big, and a pull-up that quite possibly was a decade old.  Thankfully he is still young enough to not realize that what happened was something an older kid might be mortified over; instead after putting on his new outfit he just wanted to go show it off for everyone.  I love that kid. 
 

I was embarrassingly under-dressed.  I should have known better than to trust my husband who told me it was a "come-as-you-are party, I think."  If "I think" is in the sentence, then it's not based on anything except his own wild guess.   Next year I will be wearing my finest holiday sweater and fancy shoes.  The kids will be dressed as matching elves.


I love how politically correct people are when meeting me, a professor's wife with a baby on her hip.  "So what do you .. or .. do you .. um .. work outside the home?"  One woman assured me that I would be more than ready to go back to work when the kids were both in school.  "You won't know what to do with yourself!"  Hmm, I guess we'll see.  I sort of like the idea of being available for my children 24/7 .. just in case.  You know?  They get sick, and Trevor and I don't have to toss a coin to decide who has to miss work (not that a coin would be tossed .. but you know what I mean).  One of the kid's classes needs 500 cupcakes for a bake sale-- who has time for that?  The stay-at-home-mom whose kids are all in school, that's who.  I'd like to be that mom, is that such a bad goal?  Should I be setting my sights higher?  I don't think so.  But who knows how I'll feel in 3 years?  And who knows if our budget can continue to work on one income?  That's the real question.


So I certainly didn't meet any potential "mommy friends," but everyone was friendly and I didn't feel completely like a fish out of water.  I really don't like these social things, but I told Trevor it "wasn't terrible."  He beamed and said, "Well, that's a ringing endorsement coming from you!"

Quiet Time

There are no empty seats
so I'll sit on the floor. 
There are books on the chairs
and coats piled by the door.

The counters are covered
with dishes galore
and dust bunnies THIS big
I've ne'er seen before.

But the house has gone still,
there's no noise anymore,
except Max turning pages
and Molly's soft snore.

There's laundry to do
and dishes for sure -
but it can all wait,
or at least until four.

Because Mom needs a break,
she's tired to the core,
and if she doesn't sit down
there'll be no Mom no more.